More Than a Game
By Maggie Thompson | IG: @maggieadelee
My name is Maggie Thompson. My mom was always open about her diagnosis with anxiety and depression as a kid and what life was like for her being on medications and coping with anxiety and depression. She always encouraged me that if I felt anxious or sad in anyway to always talk to her which for that I am very grateful for. I never thought it would impact me like this though. In about 8th grade I started having severe anxiety which then turned into depression. I was going to therapy and bouncing around until I managed to find a therapist that I could tolerate. That lasted until Covid. Fast forward to junior year. Covid had finally settled down and my depression was at an all time high. I didn’t know what to do so I resorted to self harm. Something I never would’ve thought to do until I was at that low. I continued silently for about 7 months before I finally told my mom how bad it was and I got back into therapy and on medications. I had finally found the perfect therapist and the perfect provider match that made my life a lot easier. I finished up high school and was now looking forward to college D1 bowling at an amazing school with an amazing team. I was doing great adjusting, had some anxiety here and there but overall I felt good. Everything felt “good” until it came to tournaments. My first semester went smoothly but going into my second semester as a freshman my anxiety was spiraling. I couldn’t get through practices without having anxiety about nothing. I couldn’t sleep at night without calling my mom contemplating going to the hospital because I just wanted all the anxious intrusive thoughts to stop. It was really bad and I didn’t even realize it. My team and I were at our conference tournament and my anxiety had convinced me that I was having a heart attack. At 19. A healthy active student athlete with no prior health history was having a heart attack and no one could tell me otherwise. I barely made it through the day and I can say that I wasn’t the best teammate during that time either, which not only hurt me but those around me. Leaving that tournament I had made it back to Rhode Island and insisted to go to an urgent care to get my heart checked. Sobbing- the doctor ran a bunch of tests and told me I was fine. Which eased me coming from a professional. I somehow made it through the rest of the semester but honestly I don’t even remember it. That summer I worked on getting myself better. My parents and I decided it was best that I admitted myself into an outpatient program that would be 3x a week, 9am to 12pm. It was definitely a humbling experience and I learned so much. And broke down a lot. During that time I got diagnosed with OCD which was triggered by the anxiety causing the intrusive thoughts. I got put on new meds which helped so much and I finally felt like I could slow my brain down. I got myself better. Entering sophomore year I was definitely nervous. What if I hadn’t gotten all the way better and all these what ifs flooded my brain every once in a while but I put those aside. I took all my techniques and learned what makes me feel better while performing my sport and learned how to be the best version of myself not only for me but for those around me. I am so grateful that I can say finished my sophomore year with confidence and can’t wait to be back with my team for year 3. Mental health is not anything to brush over. I know how scary the thoughts can be. I know how bad it can get. Because I was in it. Hearing “it’ll get better” every two seconds doesn’t help, but I can promise I’ll understand and I’ll be there to listen to those who are going through similar situations. And I’m so grateful for the support system I have in place and that programs like Morgan’s Message are set up.
