Lost, but Not Forgotten
By Carly Harrison
Raise your hand if you play a sport. Look around the room. That’s a lot of you. Some of you will go off to college and continue your sport. Raise your hand if you want to do that.
I was only 15 when I started cross country and track. My freshman year of high school. I fell in love with it. And I knew that I wanted to go to college for my sport. I spent all of high school running varsity for cross county and track. Through lots of workouts and races and setbacks and friends and team trips, I made it. I got offered a scholarship to a small school up in north Georgia. After all these years my hard work had paid off. I was ecstatic. I had so much fun and I met so many great people. And during that time I found my niche and became an even better runner than I ever have before. I ran long distance. And I was good at it. I made so many friends, broke some records, and set some personal bests. I became a captain and I felt like I was on top of the world. I was so in love with running I had agreed to run one more year and start my masters program. I had no complaints or problems. Fall semester senior year ended after I took my last final in December. I was staying in my campus apartment to train. That’s all I really remember from that time period though. Barely. On December 9 I got up to do an easy run that morning before going home to see family. I wasn’t even 2 min into the run before it happened. At the crosswalk I was struck by a vehicle. The driver was not only not paying attention but he was going 50 in a 35.
I don’t remember much from this time period other than the hospital. But I almost lost my life. I was diagnosed with a TBI a brain injury along with other severe injuries. I was lucky to be alive after that.
But I spent my time healing. I went through all types of therapy and doctors appointments.
It was a very lonely time though. I lost some support from some friends. It hurt me but there was nothing I could do about that. But I continued on through healing and the hospital stays and medications and therapies I was finally somewhat stable. I was kind of handed my diploma after not really being able to finish much of school and sent on my way. I went to live at home a few months and got a small job and that was it.
But it wasn’t it. It was only the beginning.
Physically I was healing. But mentally and emotionally my problems had only just begun. Having a TBI can cause some issues such as anger and irritability and memory and cognitive problems as well as I was diagnosed with severe PTSD. I was barely sleeping. I was having nightmares and flashbacks. As time went on all of these things got worse. I was skipping my appointments I was not talking to anyone about my problems and I was not taking my medication. These things became so out of hand to the point of not being able to control my behavior my issues. I began to hurt myself very badly. I covered it up with makeup and made up stories about my new frequent injuries as I was ashamed. I finally spoke up but it was too late. By then I had gotten myself in trouble with the law, thrown in jail, caused problems with my family and my personal relationships. I was at my lowest point. I didn’t want to be alive another day. I was ashamed and embarrassed of my problems. Brain injury and PTSD. It felt too complicated it felt like no was able to understand me. Until I started reaching out and being honest with the people around me and most importantly myself. I didn’t want to hide anymore. It wanted to be better and feel better and get help. I wanted to create a better life for myself again. I can’t reverse what happened to me nor the damage or problems I caused, but I can reverse heal and apologize and spread awareness to athletes, young adults, parents and teachers. To check in. To support and be there because you don’t know what someone is going through until it’s too late. And I almost made the decision to end it all and I’m grateful everyday I didn’t. Instead I’m sharing my story so no one has to go through what I did. And if so, to get the proper help. More awareness for TBI, PSTD, and all mental health issues. Let’s protect our generation.
