THE MENTAL MATCHUP®
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The Mental Matchup® Stories
Please note, these stories are written by our authors and are based on their experiences. All photos used have been sent to us with permission to use by the authors. We take every step to ensure anonymity under certain circumstances to protect institutions, teammates, coaches, etc.
Trust the Process
When most think back to their childhood, they reminisce about the playdates they had or the toys and books they got. Although I was blessed enough to get all of those things, thanks to my amazing family, I had a little bit of a twist to my childhood. When I was younger, I lost my older sister Maeve to a cardiac arrest. She was playing soccer in our town surrounded by family and friends when she passed. To say it rocked my family's world is an understatement. When you are a child, most don’t have a worry in the world but for me this feeling of empty, loss, and grief lingered but due to my age, I was unable to process it. Years later, I watched my family cope in more ways than one. From putting balloons up on her birthday, to having a mass on her anniversary, my family found little ways to come together as a family and keep her memories alive.
My Journey to Recovery
I met with so many doctors who tried to figure out what was wrong with me. We didn’t have a mental health specialist for our athletic department. I couldn’t explain what was wrong with me. I couldn’t point to the pain. I didn’t mention the flashing lights I would see when I closed my eyes at night. Or the ringing in my ears that made me feel like my brain was literally buzzing from moving so fast. I didn’t want them to think I was “crazy.”
Stepping on the Brake
I'm still working on ways to not feel just as invisible, but it's hard. All mental health journeys are. They aren't going to be a linear path that you can just walk along and end up at the pot of gold. There are ways to help cope, therapy, medications, having good friends, and honestly even dark humor. These all keep me going.
The Golden Rule
I want to use social media to share with the world how important it is to imply the golden rule on yourself as much as you do onto other people. It is not stressed enough how important it is to take care of ourselves, physically, mentally, and emotionally. We have this stigma around mental health that we are finally working towards normalizing by us athletes standing up and advocating for change, normalizing getting help, and supporting each other through our battles.
Keep Going
Today, I'm a successful young professional. I'm creative. I'm a wonderful husband, brother, son, and friend. I’m a competitive person, and I can fall victim to perfectionism at times. I've struggled mightily with my mental health throughout my young life; before, during, and after my time as a college athlete. While I have too many regrets and painful memories to count, I wouldn't trade my journey for the world because it made me who I am today.
Just Another Day
Fast forward now I’m a senior about to graduate. Except it hasn’t been a normal senior year. I was training for my last track season in December one day. I went on a run on campus. As I entered the crosswalk I was told I was struck by a vehicle going above the speed limit. That right there ended my running career.
Carpe Diem
Significant changes come with big decisions, and I put myself first at this point in the story. I thought back to my Dad explaining the significance of living in the moment and conquering the day. On this day, conquering meant overcoming my fear of stepping away from my identity as an athlete.
You Are More Than Your Sport
For as long as I can remember sports have been one of the greatest things in my life. Playing sports not only brought out the competitive, determined side of me, but it quickly became an outlet for me. Being on the field was a place where nothing else mattered but the game.
Ambivalence
We pull for our family, our friends and our teammates. We pull to not disappoint our coaches. We pull for the glory, and we pull for everything we are not able to control in life. At some point, we begin pulling for ourselves, and it all becomes worth it. That is one of the best lessons that rowing has taught me, that success and perseverance is mental, that when you really want something and you believe in yourself, everything is possible. So you endure, and without realizing, you cross the 2000 meter mark.
Losing Myself While Living My Dream
But I came to realize things about myself after that meeting. During my time at Delaware, field hockey became not my outlet but my enemy. I was working so hard towards something I didn’t even think I wanted anymore. And while leaving that school meant leaving behind my childhood dream, it also allowed me to find myself again.