The Gift of You
By Elli Gordon | IG: @elli_g8
I am sharing my story to help people feel less alone. We lose far too many people to the silence and stigma surrounding mental health. Too often, it feels like something we have to hide. But nobody should have to pretend like they’re okay when they’re not. Mental health can impact anyone, and it’s so important that we create an environment where we celebrate each other's growth and support one another when we’re struggling.
“Comeback Kid”
That’s what my bracelet read at the end of my sophomore year of cross-country season. My coach gave it to me after I’d recovered from a hip and knee injury that left me unable to run for a few weeks. While I was injured, I began to question whether I was worth anything without running. I started to develop a mix of unhealthy thoughts that I didn’t tell anyone about. I was too scared and embarrassed to let the people around me know. At the time, I just wanted to feel “normal.”
Over time, I noticed the pressures of life becoming increasingly overwhelming. These feelings worsened as I started to believe I was a burden to my family and friends and that nobody cared about me. This led to replaying conversations and actions in my head–even with those closest with me–constantly worrying that I had said or did the wrong thing. I later realized this was a sign of social anxiety. As these feelings grew and I stayed silent, I began experiencing depression, anxiety, and thoughts of not wanting to be alive.
As my anxiety built up, it started to affect me physically. I went to several doctors who confirmed that everything seemed fine physically, but a lot of what I was experiencing was linked to anxiety. I started to see a therapist and even then, I began to feel like I wasn’t “normal,” like I didn't have a purpose.
That’s when I discovered Morgan’s Message and started reading stories on The Mental Matchup. As I read through other people’s experiences, I no longer felt as alone. This inspired me to open up about how I was feeling to my friends and family.
After I told my parents and some of my closest friends, they were so supportive and were able to get me the help that I needed. It’s so important to remember that you never know what someone else might be going through–even some of the people closest to you. If I hadn’t reached out, my friends and family wouldn’t have known that I was struggling, and I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to get better.
Since then, I’ve learned how to reach out more-whether it’s asking a friend to talk or just letting someone know I’m having a hard day. That’s something I never used to do, and it has helped me so much. We don’t always realize how loved we are until we let people in. That’s why it’s so important to check in on each other every once in a while–to say, “I’m here for you.”
It’s so much easier to cover up your emotions than to reach out and say, “I am not okay” or “I need help,” but I promise you, reaching out is the strongest and bravest thing you can do for yourself. At first, I didn’t want to admit that I needed help. I’ve always been someone who has tried to handle things on my own. But this was something that I couldn’t handle alone–and none of us are meant to. I promise you, the right people will be willing to listen and will be there for you.
As I continued therapy, it took me some time to realize that I wasn't the only one struggling, even though it often felt that way. During this time, my therapist diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder. Hearing that, at first, I felt like something was wrong with me–but I’ve come to understand that it’s something I have. It doesn’t take away from the person that I am or what I’m capable of.
In the spring, my sophomore year of track began, and I learned to enjoy running again. Distance running challenged me to be my best self and helped me through some of the hardest times. During races, I had to believe in myself and have the right mindset to finish. Sometimes, I had hard races or felt disappointed in my performances, but what this has taught me is that, like life, there will be bad days but trying your best will be enough.
On the track, when I struggled during a race, I would pull out a mantra and repeat it to myself over and over again. Some of my favorites to repeat to myself were:
“I believe in you”
“I am strong”
“I can do this”
“Keep going”
I continue to use those same mantras during races, but also in moments of stress and anxiety.
Both sports and life have taught me that hard work can be rewarding. It can push you, challenge you, and show that you’re capable of more than you think you are. Distance running has taught me that I’m often stronger than I realize. But just as important as working hard is knowing when to rest.
Real strength also means recognizing when you’re overwhelmed and giving yourself permission to take a step back. It’s okay to say, “I can’t do this today,” and to take the break that your mind and body need.
Sports and life also allow for personal growth, but growth is not perfection. Growth allows us to step outside of our comfort zones and to get better at the things that we struggle with.
I’ve always been a perfectionist, and I’ve learned that if you always hold yourself to high expectations, it can feel like no matter what you achieve, it is never enough. The constant pressure to meet high standards leaves us feeling like we can never truly be proud of ourselves. The more we allow ourselves to be imperfect, the more we can create room for growth and self-acceptance. Life is going to be filled with mistakes and hard moments, but it always gives us the chance to learn and grow from them. Even when I felt like I couldn’t keep going during a race, I was still able to finish, and grow from the experience. Even through the hardest of times, you can still make it through–even if you don’t think you can.
Today, I still struggle with anxiety and overthinking. I haven’t been officially diagnosed with social anxiety now, but it is still something that I continue to work through, and now I have tools and people who help me manage it better. The people who love and care about you love you for who you are–and that will never be defined by a mistake, a sport, or a disorder. I’m incredibly grateful for those who were there for me during my hard moments and continue to be there for me now.
My advice would be to start small. Start out by taking the hardest step by reaching out to at least one person you know you can trust, and it will make everything seem a bit easier–I promise.
For a while, I wasn’t sure what my purpose was or if I had one, but what I have come to realize is that everyone has a gift in the world. It might not always come easy at first, but it is there. For me, I’ve realized that I enjoy helping others. I’m someone who listens, notices when someone is struggling, and wants people to feel seen and supported. That’s what makes me feel happy and most like myself.
But your gift might be different.
Maybe your gift is creating, drawing, painting, or writing. Maybe you are the person who makes others laugh when they need it the most. Maybe you are great with kids. Maybe you are passionate about solving problems.
No gift is too big or too small.
To you reading this:
There is no such thing as a “normal” person. You are unique just as you are, and capable of doing amazing things in the world. There are people who love and care about you. I wish I could help everyone who struggles with mental health, but if I can help at least one person with their struggles, that is the biggest gift I could give.
If you’re ever struggling, I want you to know that you’re not alone. Reach out to someone you trust, whether it is a friend, family member, or a professional–there are so many places and people who would love to help you get better.
As I reflect on my own experiences, I have realized that I want to continue helping others. I plan to go to college and major in psychology, specifically focusing on mental health, and hopefully become a doctor who can make a difference in others’ lives. After reading this story, I hope you realize that you are a gift to this world, and you have a purpose. It’s important to recognize when you are struggling so you can get the help that you need and deserve. I hope my story inspires you to reach out for help–just like others’ stories did for me.
I still wear my “Comeback Kid” bracelet today to remind myself that I am strong–and so are you.
